My Husband and I will be married five years this August, fifteenth to be exact. This weekend a month ago, we both agree, we had the best weekend of our marriage.
Nashu and I have always been good communicators. At least we are good at sharing our thoughts. Maybe....not as good at listening to each others though. Always formulating the response that we know will just stun the other with our eloquence. Usually ending up with disappointment at our expectations not being met.
So, when I felt like I wasn't being heard, and Nashu felt like he wasn't being heard....but we both were talking and expressing ourselves but not understanding each other. I took to the Internet to see if we could find some additional tools to help us out.
I was looking for something cost effective, because well to be frank, we have a lot of kids which equals not a lot of money! I found a program called, "Marriage Encounter." http://www.agme.org/weekends/dallas-tx/ It touted being an inexpensive retreat with Mega- benefits to your marriage. Designed not for marriages in crisis, but for those that want to build on what they already have.
We have a good marriage....sounded like a good fit and for seventy-five dollars per couple to include two hotel nights and five (three course) meals. Crazy Amazing! Getting away for a weekend alone at that cost was good enough, much less whatever tools they could give us.
We arrived on a Friday night, was checked in, got our room keys and name badges and went to our hotel room. Approximately thirty minutes to an hour later we received a phone call from our host telling us that it was time to come down to the meeting room.
We arrived in the meeting room and found approximately 35-40 other couples at tables set up with hot drinks and candy available. We were asked to introduce ourselves and tell something that we loved about our spouse.
I immediately was nervous. I found myself holding my breath and wondering if I was going to make a fool of myself. They started on our row! Ugh!! There was one couple and then us. My husband stood up and said....uhm....something nice about me...and I couldn't even hear it because I was so worried about what I was going to say....and the worst part was...I couldn't think.
There are so many things that I love about my husband. But I couldn't think of even one. And now he was done...Oh lord help me I thought as I opened my mouth. Still I couldn't think. So I said the truth. "There are so many things that I love about my husband. If I had to pick one, I guess it would be....(and then it hit me....in a wave of great emotion...sent me spiralling into tears as I choked out the words..the thing that I do love the most about my husband), He treats my children as if they are his own."
The room went still and I was so embarrassed. Why oh why did I have to break into tears like that!! It was over and again I couldn't hear what others were saying until the room was almost done. I could finally focus again on what others were saying.
This was the start of our weekend...and I had already discovered something that I felt. That I knew deep down inside, but had not really expressed. This was just the beginning. I was deep in thought and excited to already have something happening that I couldn't explain.
The next day brought such a myriad of emotions as we explored so many aspects of our married life. The best part about the whole thing was that we were only discussing our issues with each other. For a matter of fact they discouraged talking with other couples at all except at meal times and even then all discussion was about each of us as couples.
They asked that at meal times we would not discuss our children, our jobs or our churches. We were to focus not on what most of us find ourselves in..but in basking in our coupleness.
By mid Saturday afternoon, I told my husband I couldn't possibly cry any more, but they had told us they had something special planned for that evening. We walked into a dimly lit room and I noticed that there were tissues placed all around the room. I was like, "NO!...I don't want to cry any more." What happened next I can not tell, but what I can say was yes, there were tears and it was one of the best moments of the weekend.
Sunday, however was a breakthrough for me. Again, on Sunday, I thought there was no way for them to top what they had done Saturday, but again,....I was mistaken. On Sunday I discovered something amazing.
I discovered it was OK to be "in love" with my husband. I will never forget that moment. I loved my husband. I adored him. We were affectionate and communicative. But, I had built a protection wall, that would not allow me to have the ooey gooey in love feelings that everyone knows so well. That is when you get hurt. I am so glad I had that breakthrough.
For my husband, on Sunday he said. "Rachel and I have always had a good marriage. We have always communicated well. I don't think that we have really learned anything new about each other this weekend, but for the first time we are really listening to each other in a new way. Looking back, I would say we were actually strangers walking through the door." See, now I was listening. His words so powerful and meaningful to me. I can't get enough of them. We are listening to each other in a new way, a in love way. A way that looks for the good in each other with the premise that each others intentions are good. I am so glad that I am in love with my husband.
Most every night we still "work on our marriage" for twenty minutes a night, using the tools they gave us. Best 20 minutes of my day, even though I usually cry. We connect on a deeper level that I ever thought possible.
Go to Marriage Encounter...see what a difference it can make, I dare you!
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